加国大学让儿子更加成熟 (English Version)

Canadian University:  pathway to independence

Last September, a few months before officially becoming an adult, my son left home for university in London Ontario.  The night prior to his leaving, I watched him nervously packing his luggage – pillows, blankets, toothpaste and clothing, and heard him talking with his friends about the prospects of leaving home.  Despite the fact that it was not the first time he left home – he had quite a few school trips before, I felt overwhelmed and intimidated by what he would soon face – a new form of life with many uncertainties and challenges.

The start of his new life brought back the memories of my first days of leaving home for university in China. Back then, my parents had less worries and much more excitement than I was feeling now. In the end, my university life was totally arranged and controlled by the school and teachers – from tuitions, food, course selections and job assignment, and the student did not have any sense of financial independence.

But my son, at the age of 18, had to face financial challenges -- he had to make sure that his four year university education can pay for his tuitions and costs of living back. 

During his four year time period, he will have to live an independent life with very limited family support, while facing academic challenges. Can he, who had never relied on himself to cook or do the laundry, let alone to bring the food on the table, survive this brand new living environment? Without parental care, will the strain of life make him snap, so that he would learn to use drugs or alcohol, or to become addict?

But it proved that my worries were groundless. A year later, he has embraced his new life with a new circle of friends, and more importantly, he has acquired independent living skills. 

During the summer, he took a summer job in a vocational resort in a beautiful ocean beach in Cape Breton. My family was invited to stay at the resort for a few nights. I watched him providing hospitality services to the resort guests – assigning rooms, serving tables, and doing laundry for guests. And at night, he slept in the dark, damp employee corner in a basement, where the washroom is a building away.

But the biggest challenge seemed to be social isolation.  During the most time period, he had no family or friends around. “I was quite lonely, mom… I am surrounded by the ocean, no friends and no family…I really wanted to go home,” he texted.

But I insisted that he finish the agreed job terms. And he did. Neither of us has realized that the few weeks of summer work, in addition to one year university life has made him a person that reached much higher level of maturity than I was at the same age.

A year passed with a blink of the eye. New school terms started in September. This year, he moved out from the school residence, and settled into a residential home with several of his close friends. While the living conditions seemed to have improved – his private room is much bigger than the two-person shared residence unit, it demands even more independent living skills and a higher level of financial independence.

He had to set up his own furniture – his bed, cooking ware, and groceries.  He installed an Ikea desk, moved a bed and some simple furniture to his new home, all by himself.

He also had to cook his own food, and tried to control his living expenses within a limited budget – the money he made from his summer job.

“No campus food, mom, too expensive… I plan to spend $30 bucks on food a week.”

Wow, that is definitely a tight budget. I cannot imagine how a young lad like him, who used to rely his entire living on his family, and who never did a grocery shopping once, be able to manage to live a life – on such a tight budget.

 “I ride 40 minutes bike to buy groceries every week, mom, and carry them back on my knapsack,” he told me proudly.

Somehow, my heart ached when I heard that. I saw him carrying all sorts of groceries in his back, in the windy and cold street in a remote city.  But my rational mind tells me that I should feel happy to watch him growing up and become capable to manage his own life.

In a grocery shopping trip during my visit to his student home, I saw him dropping down a bag of grapes, but picking up oranges instead.

 “Grapes are too expensive… If I picked it up, it would be over the budget.”

I shed a few more tears, unaware of whether it is from the comfort or the pain.