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与抑郁症抗争: 我家数代人的经历

My family’s untold story: fighting depression through generations

抑郁症似乎与我家有不解之缘。我家数代人, 我祖母,到我自己,再到我的女儿都曾患上忧郁症,遭受这一病痛的折磨。然而,随着对抑郁症的认识和医学的进步,我们每代人都经历了完全不同的与抑郁症抗争的经历。

Depression runs in our family. This terrible disease has wreaked havoc on our lives across several generations – my grandmother, myself and now my daughter. However, each of us embarked on an entirely different journey of fighting the disease as the awareness and treatment transforms and evolves.

责任感: 我祖母的抗郁药

Medicine for my grandma: responsibility

我的祖母是一个典型的旧时代的中国女性, 她是个不识字的小脚老妇。在她35岁那年,她的丈夫 - 我的祖父被日本人杀害,自那以后她没有再婚,独自担负起照顾5个孩子的重任。贫穷和孤独伴随了她的大半人生。作为单身母亲的她,在祖父死后只能通过典当首饰和朋友的接济勉强度日。

My grandmother was a typical Chinese woman in an old generation – she was illiterate and had bounded feet.  Her husband – my grandfather was killed by the Japanese Imperial Army when she was 35, and she had not remarried since then, raising 5 children alone.  Poverty and loneliness accompanied most part of her life as a single mother, and she managed through by pawning jewelleries and getting help from friends.

显然,她的生活是非常艰难和痛苦的。很多次她背着孩子们哭喊,很想就此了却一生。每当她被抑郁折磨的日子里,死亡似乎是最简单不过的了。但是她从来没有走到那一步。她曾告诉我是她的孩子们让她放弃了这一念头。

Apparently, life was extremely tough and painful for her.  Many times she thought of ending her life as faced deepening despair. Death was the easiest solution, but she never acted on that thought. She told me that it was her kids that forced her to abandon that attempt.

“我怎么能背孩子们而去啊!他们已经失去了了父亲,我无法想象没有了我他们怎么能生活下去,”她说。

 “How could I leave my kids? They had lost their father, and I couldn’t imagine their life without me,” said she.

她的老年生活情况大有改变,随着子女们纷纷独立,且有了不错的工作,她的生活变得更加稳定,然而她以往的饱受的压力和创伤却不肯放过她。

At senior age, her life became much more stable, as her adult children all lived independent and successful lives. But the trauma she endured in the past had come back to haunt her.

她经常被失眠,感到浑身乏力。但无论是医生还是她自己都没有意识到她所患的是抑郁症。

She was constantly tormented by insomnia and fatigue. But neither her doctors nor herself was aware that she suffered from depression.

当时,她用上了极易上瘾的镇静药。这种药物她每天能睡上几个小时,为此她已非常心存感激。

At the time, she tried highly addictive tranquilizers which allowed her to have a few hours of sleep each day, and she was extremely grateful for that.

她常说:“要是三十年前能有这种药该多好!”

“If only they were available thirty years ago!” she always said.

她在84岁时服用了镇静药入睡后,因心脏衰竭而过世。

She passed away from heart failure at the age of 84 after taking one pill to sleep.

我们这一代的抑郁症:无知

Depression faced by my generation: ignorance

上大学的第一年,我也受到抑郁症折磨。远离家乡的第一次独立生活经历让我倍感不适,我想家,经常流泪,偿受了失眠的滋味。

The first year into college, I suffered depression. The challenges in  transition from adolescence to adulthood made me vulnerable. I felt sad, tearful and overwelmed.

不过,我丝毫没有认识到我经历着人生中的抑郁期。当时的中国,对抑郁症症状的认识很大程度上停留于对患者的意志不够坚强,无法从抑郁状态中自拔的偏见。且患者往往会会因为向医疗专家寻求治疗,甚至于向家庭成员或朋友透露自己的病痛而感到羞耻。

However, I didn’t have the slightest clue that I was hit by an illness – depression. Back then in China, patients showing symptom of depression were largely blamed for lacking a strong will to pull themselves out from a bad mood. They were ashamed of seeking help from medical professionals, and would hide their pains with family and friends.

但遭受病痛折磨的并非我一人,且有些人的病症更为严重。我的一位被一所名牌大学录取的好友因为抑郁症而不能集中精力学习,从而被迫放弃学业。

But I wasn’t alone and there were others who were hit harder by the disease. My high school friend – who got into a prestigious university – was forced to quit school as depression took away his ability to continue his study.

没有人知道他到底出了什么事,也不知道该怎么帮助他。现在看来他患上了忧郁症,但当时医生,家人和朋友,没有一人认识到这一点。他极力向老师和朋友们掩饰忧郁症给他带来的痛苦。他的父母眼睁睁看着他失去了在最梦寐以求的大学里求学的机会而却不知所措。

Nobody knew what happened to him or how to help.  In hind sight, he suffered depression but none of us -- doctors, families and friends, were aware of that back then. He was trying hard to hide his pains from teachers and friends. His parents were frustrated as they watched him lose the opportunity to study in the university coveted by the most.

治疗和希望:患抑郁症的下一代

Treatment and hope: another generation

几个月前,在她的一个好友自杀后,我的女儿陷入抑郁状态。她经常哭泣,学习效率低下,并且睡不好觉。

A few months ago, my daughter slipped into a depressed mood after one of her friends committed suicide. She became increasingly tearful, less productive, and experienced a disruptive sleep pattern.

但她的抑郁康复历程则与她的前辈完全不同。

But the recovery path for her was entirely different than that of her ancestors.

20世纪50年代,随着医疗科学的进步,抑郁症被发现是由于大脑化学物质失衡所引起的疾病。此后,对抑郁症的偏见也逐渐减少,越来越多的受害者愿意主动寻求帮助。

In 1950s, advances in medical science discovered that depression was an illness caused by brain chemical imbalance. Since then, the stigma surrounding the disease has been lifted as a growing number of victims have come forth to seek help.

如今,在加拿大对抑郁症的诊断正迅猛增长。从1994年到2004年,到医生诊所就诊的病人几乎翻了一倍。在2003年,加拿大大约有1160万人次因抑郁症就诊。

Today, depression has become Canada's fastest-rising diagnosis. From 1994 to 2004, visits for depression made to office-based doctors almost doubled. In 2003, there were about 11.6 million visits to doctors for depression across Canada.

目前,由于认知和治疗的进步,成千上万的抑郁症患者已经找回了他们失去的幸福,使其人生更为充实。

Now, due to awareness and treatment, thousands of depression patients have regained their lost happiness and become productive again.

至于我的女儿,她比我祖母和我幸运的多。在发现问题后,她的朋友,老师和医生通过网上聊天,朋友聚会,医疗辅导及减轻她的学习压力等方式提供了大量帮助。而且我相信,这些强大的支持可以使她迅速康复。

As of my daughter, she is much luckier than my grandma and I. After disclosing her problem, support has poured in through online chats, friends’ party, doctor’s counselling, and reduced academic stress from her teachers. The overwhelming support has led to her swift recovery.

在这些帮助下,她在省高中国际商业竞赛获第一名之后,赢得参加在亚特兰大举行的决赛参赛权。让我自豪的是,忧郁症没能成为她对学业追求的绊脚石。

With that help, she has gained the opportunity to attend a high school international business competition in Atlanta, after she achieved the first place in the provincial competition. I am proud that she has refused to let depression stop her from pursuing her academic dreams.

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